5 times not to text him January 4, 2009

There are several instances where texting can torpedo a relationship before it’s barely gotten off the ground:

1. After your first few dates. It may be tempting to contact a guy after an amazing date, but resist the urge. “Reaching out lessens the thrill of the chase for him,” says psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of the upcoming book Love in 90 Days.

2. When you’re drunk. Since phones don’t come with Breathalyzers, it’s up to you to stop yourself from sending a tipsy message — especially one that suggests you two meet up ASAP. “Being too available lets a guy know he has all the leverage,” Krieger says.

3. When you’re angry. It’s annoying when a guy flakes, but sending a “Why haven’t you called me?!” inquiry makes you look massively insecure. Avoid angry texts once you’re in a relationship too. “When it’s in writing, you can’t easily take it back,” Kirschner says. It’s even smart to ban bitchy humor, which can sound meaner than it is.

4. When you’re trying to be funny. ”When relayed nonverbally, sarcasm and joking can come off as aggressive,” according to Kirschner. A dude could read a message like “OMG, you were out of control last night” literally, which makes you sound pissed when you were actually just fondly remembering his funny behavior.

5. When you’ve already texted him that day. Once you’re in an ongoing relationship, you may be tempted to rely on texting as a regular form of communication, and there’s nothing wrong with staying in touch that way sometimes. But electronic communication discourages phone conversations and one-on-one time. Also, guys like brief updates, not a blow-by-blow of your life.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationships/relationships-and-texting-2

How to tell he’s cheating December 30, 2008

1. He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming. “This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked,” says Vranich. You can actually thank porn for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He’s spending more time at the gym. 

3. He smells different. “When he comes home, if he doesn’t smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn’t the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he’s showered at her place,” offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying “the nose knows” might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. “If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added sex and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy,” Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships: “If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.” 

5. He becomes suspicious of you. “If he’s normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom,” says Vranich. “It’s the result of him realizing that if he’s cheating and it’s not that hard, you might also be getting away with it.” Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent “How was work today?” queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he’s terrified of getting caught.

One caveat: If your sex life hasn’t fallen off, that’s no guarantee that he’s faithful. “It’s a serious mistake to think that affairs are necessarily sexual. He may just be unhappy in other parts of the relationship,” says Kirshenbaum. In fact, an illicit relationship could even stoke his lust for you.

Signs you should dump him by New year’s December 28, 2008

1. When you ask to speak to him about moving in, he schedules the talk for June.

2. Each time after sex, he grabs a private notebook from his bag and scribbles something in it, giggling.

3. His friends call him by the nickname of Cheaty McGee.

4. He loves to touch you and kiss you and will do so just as soon as he powers up and finishes killing these level-four zombies. Die, video zombies, die!

5. His ring tone is “Baby Got Back.”

6. The guy’s elaborate excuse for not spending the holidays together includes training for an Ironman competition.

7. Mr. Reality still entertains the idea that he could be a “stripper choreographer.”

8. He’s already written a scathing tell-all memoir of your relationship — and you’ve only been dating for two months.

9. He calls your mom “Mrs. Robinson” and stares at her way too intensely.

10. The big spender usually splurges and buys you awesome gifts, so it’d be a real shame to dump him before Christmas

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationships/10-Signs-You-Should-Dump-Him-by-New-Years

New beginnings December 12, 2008

Today is my last day of class. Next week is final week. I am excited and stressed at the same time. Excited because I’m finally getting a break, and I won’t have to think school for at least 2 weeks. Stressed because finals are usually nerve-racking to me. No matter how much I study, I never feel ready, I always get nervous. Hopefully I survive.

Anyways, the other day, I was having a little bit of a breakdown. I was fighting with my beau for some stupid reason. I spent a good part of the day without hearing from him. I did not try to contact either. As I said before, whenever we’re fighting, I’m always the one to reach out first. I feel like if he loves me, if he cares about me the way he says he does; he should swallow his pride from time to time, and make the first move too.

Well he called in the afternoon. I was still mad. I still thought of him as a jerk; therefore, I wasn’t too nice on the phone. He didn’t feel comfortable, so he said he would call later. Few minutes after he started texting (now there are certain situations when I hate text messaging, fighting with him would be one of them), so I sent him away, and told him he could call me later if he still wanted to bitch about stuff. He wasn’t happy about, but he had no choice.

He called back later, we fought some more, then we talked like two human beings. He told me how much he loved me, and did not see his life without me. Now I know this could all be BS, but I’ve always been by his side no matter what, and he’s always done the same for me too. Having someone there for him is very important to him. He never shared such closeness with his exes. I think this is something special between two people, and it is not easy to find. I guess this is one of the reasons why we still can’t leave each other no matter what happens.

At the end of the night, he pissed me off again, and I decided to end it once and for all. I did not want to deal with the crap. Something I’ve been asking for, for 8 months, I still could not get it. I think he realized I was serious this time. He promised it was the end of it. I decided to take his word for it. I know one thing, if ever I find out it’s a lie, I will not look back. I won’t even give myself the time to think of anything special that we have together. I will be out for good.

We spent the afternoon together yesterday, it was very nice. He helped me with my homework (I really appreciated that). Tonight we are going  out on a date. I am excited, it’s been a while.

Fun times finally…

Love hurts December 10, 2008

So I’m having a bad day. My BF and I are fighting. I have not heard from him since the last enraged goodbye I said last night. I called him a jerk. That’s what I was feeling at the time, I still am.

Sometimes I feel like we are living a lie, guess this is the end of it.

The stupid fight was about a call that I received from a guy that I have history with and he doesn’t like. I could care less about the guy. He is being used anyway for my little revenge session. My boyfriend doesn’t know that, and I don’t plan on telling him either. He wanted to know the reason why the guy was calling me. We did not have a conversation, how should I know? He wanted me to call him back and ask him. I refused, I was not about to satisfy his ego. He went through my phone, heard a voicemail the guy left me a few weeks ago stating that he wanted to ask me a question. Of course he wanted to know what the  question was.

I didn’t feel like I had to tell him, not that I cared. The thing is, when he’s in such situation, and I ask questions about what so and so wanted or why so and so is always calling, he says that I am insecure, I’m acting crazy, I can’t be investigating him 24/7. I had access to his email, his phone, etc… He changed all the passwords. That’s his personal stuff, I can’t be looking at them. Okay, no choice, I let him do what he wanted. In the meantime my personal stuff is open. He says he doesn’t check, I don’t believe him; I don’t care. I have nothing to hide.

He wants me to trust his word. I’ve been trying to. I’ll admit sometimes I go crazy, but I’ve been trying to control myself lately. I don’t question much anymore. I don’t go looking for clues anymore. I just take it however it is. This is the effort that I’ve been putting in the relationship. It started getting better until last night.

I feel like he’s been expecting me to do everything, and him do nothing to better the relationship. Again I could be wrong. I put my self 100% into this relationship. I knew I wanted him, and I went for him. Now it feels like I made the wrong choice, and that it may be time for me to move on.

I just wish I wasn’t so weak, I could just get up and go and not look back. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know what to think or how to act. I don’t even know what’s right or wrong to do now. All I know is I don’t want to be the first to call, cause it’s always the case.

I would love to be stronger.

Dating experiences December 8, 2008

Why am I interested in the cheating subject?

Cheating is a subject dear to me, why? I’ve been cheated, I’ve been played, lied to, made fun of. You’ll probably say it happens to plenty of people. True! but not everyone deals with it the same way.

My second relationship (not really sure I could call it that, but anyway) lasted 2 weeks. I was on vacation, I was young. He was interested in me. It was flattering, so I went for it. It turned out that he had a girlfriend. Sadly when I came face to face with the girlfriend she said that he was badmouthing me. He told her that I was running after him, it was the other way around. He said that I wouldn’t stop calling him, lie! He made up all those lies about me. He wasn’t worth it. I got rid of the problem. Later on (years after) It was my turn to control the situation. We hooked up, but on my terms, and I dumped him as soon as I got tired. He never got over it. He always wanted more than what I planned to give. He now has a baby a girlfriend with 3 other kids that he is taking care of. I’m glad I got out when I did. It could’ve been me with his baby.

Then I got with my boyfriend. No one ever hurt me the way he has, but we’re still together. Sometimes I wonder how did we make it so far. I wonder will we last forever. We’ve been through so much. We’re still going through stuff.

Our story. We went to school together, started a relationship. I ended it after 6 months. My excuse: I did not know what I was doing at that time, plus I couldn’t handle hiding from my dad anymore. I was too young. So we parted, and became the best of friends. He made it impossible for me to forget about him even if I wanted to. Then, school ended, he went away, I was left alone. It did not bother me much. I would hear from him once in a blue moon, that was it. 3 years, we met again. He had his girlfriend, I was doing my own thing. He still had feelings for me. I started seeing him differently. I was attracted in a more mature way. We started talking seeing each other. When I felt like things were about to get serious, I asked about the girlfriend. He told me they had broken up (there was a whole story about it). No girlfriend, I could do whatever. We ended up in a real relationship.

Almost a year into the relationship, the ex subject came up. I’m very curious, I love to ask questions. I came to find out that the whole time we were talking, he was still with the ex. It pissed me off, he had lied to me. He swore he told me so, I just didn’t care. He never did, I’m not the type to do anything with anyone knowing they are in a relationship.

I was in too deep, I decided to move on, and let it go. After a year and half, I found out he’s been cheating for 2 months. “What goes around comes around” right?  The difference is that I did not know that he was cheating with me. I called it quit. I felt deceived, ridiculed. I tried very hard throughout the whole relationship, seemed that I was the only one to care.

Once I left him, he realized he had something good. He was basically on his knees, begging me to come back to him for a whole year. “That year was the best of my life” Everything I wanted I got, I did not have to ask for anything. I did not see it that way at that time. I did not care. I did everything in my power to push him away. He knew I was hanging out with other guys. I made it clear I didn’t want him back. I didn’t want anything from him, but for some reason I could not get rid of him completely. 

When a whole set of drama happened and he decided to move on, I started missing him. Missing having him around, laughing together and just doing fun stuff together. Last thing that happened was me seeing his picture online with someone else. It hurt me in my bones. My thoughts were:”there is no way I will have that b****( I know her) have what’s mine. I did what I did to get him back.

It’s been almost a year now. I wonder if I did the right thing by going after him. After everything that happened, I feel scarred for life. I have big trust issues. I don’t know if I’ll ever get rid of them, if so, how long it would be.

Al I know is I love him, he says he loves me too. We’re talking marriage, we’re making plans for the future together. The only things stopping me from being completely happy and carefree, are my trust issues, and the fear that it could happen again.

Did I make the right choice by getting back with him. If so, how do I get rid of my trust issues?

Friend with my ex November 30, 2008

This is just a question that I’ve had. I would like to get some opinions on it.

Is it safe keeping a friendship with your ex that you still have feelings for, who still has feelings for you, but is married to someone else?