Today is my last day of class. Next week is final week. I am excited and stressed at the same time. Excited because I’m finally getting a break, and I won’t have to think school for at least 2 weeks. Stressed because finals are usually nerve-racking to me. No matter how much I study, I never feel ready, I always get nervous. Hopefully I survive.
Anyways, the other day, I was having a little bit of a breakdown. I was fighting with my beau for some stupid reason. I spent a good part of the day without hearing from him. I did not try to contact either. As I said before, whenever we’re fighting, I’m always the one to reach out first. I feel like if he loves me, if he cares about me the way he says he does; he should swallow his pride from time to time, and make the first move too.
Well he called in the afternoon. I was still mad. I still thought of him as a jerk; therefore, I wasn’t too nice on the phone. He didn’t feel comfortable, so he said he would call later. Few minutes after he started texting (now there are certain situations when I hate text messaging, fighting with him would be one of them), so I sent him away, and told him he could call me later if he still wanted to bitch about stuff. He wasn’t happy about, but he had no choice.
He called back later, we fought some more, then we talked like two human beings. He told me how much he loved me, and did not see his life without me. Now I know this could all be BS, but I’ve always been by his side no matter what, and he’s always done the same for me too. Having someone there for him is very important to him. He never shared such closeness with his exes. I think this is something special between two people, and it is not easy to find. I guess this is one of the reasons why we still can’t leave each other no matter what happens.
At the end of the night, he pissed me off again, and I decided to end it once and for all. I did not want to deal with the crap. Something I’ve been asking for, for 8 months, I still could not get it. I think he realized I was serious this time. He promised it was the end of it. I decided to take his word for it. I know one thing, if ever I find out it’s a lie, I will not look back. I won’t even give myself the time to think of anything special that we have together. I will be out for good.
We spent the afternoon together yesterday, it was very nice. He helped me with my homework (I really appreciated that). Tonight we are going out on a date. I am excited, it’s been a while.
Fun times finally…
